FOOD CHALLENGE!!!@!#)*!($)&!)($&*)(!!!!

SIGH...it has been awhile, I know, I know. I am greatly ashamed for my inactivity and am currently on my knees begging you all for forgiveness. Even worse, the outing described in this post actually occurred two Fridays ago. Two whole Fridays!!! I would not be surprised if you guys rush my apartment with pitchforks and torches as soon as I press publish because of such disgrace. Alas, a food coma, bunch of dumb Canadians, a legion of grad students, and a random virus (probably Canadian) all got involved, pushing yours truly onto his bed and unable to move. But I'm BACK!!! And here we go...

So, again, two Fridays ago, our little group, along with a bunch of colleagues, took a trip down to the paradise known as Newark in order to partake in a rodizio a.k.a. Brazilian BBQ a.k.a. UNLIMITED MEAT!!! The place was known as Fernandes Steakhouse, a kinda fancy place a few minutes from Newark Penn. So, disclaimer: this is not a review of the restaurant! I am sure the dishes are probably delicious and worth getting, but the rodizio itself is its own entity! As soon as we all sat down and announced rodizio at the top of our lungs, it was on. First, before anything, you must be very careful, as two traps open up immediately. A salad bar is opened up to all those involved as soon as you start. As good as that sounds (*cough*), it will only take up space that should be reserved for protein. Also, plates of fries, rice, and fried plantains (OMG!!!) are placed all over the table. Again, do not fall for the trap. Yes, this food as good, and you should definitely eventually eat it, but wait till the end. You want to use these as filler when you are done with the meat, as they take up more space than you would expect.

Now, let's explain the process of the rodizio. It's a few steps up from a buffet. You pay for all you can eat ("all you care to eat" for those of you who care), yes, but, they serve you. Fatties rejoice!! One by one, waiters come with huge slabs of meat on a stick, which is what meat should always be on, and you can choose the number of slices/pieces you want from each skewer. This keeps repeating, continuously, until you nod off into the eventual coma. As you can tell, this is a prime place for a food-eating contest. There are all sorts of meat cuts, from simple chicken and turkey, to juicy rib-eyes and filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Some of my personal favorites were the flank steak, the rib-eye, and the roast beef. The most unique thing you could get, assuming you're not asian, are chicken hearts, which are just nice little snacks that you should at least try three of. After the meat, a very delicious treat is then brought out: fried pineapples! Since all the meat is done, it is okay to start eating protein-less food. Alright, so, since I have been slacking off, I'm gonna provide you all an awesome surprise: a recap of the contest!! I shall give you all some time to go the bathroom after pissing yourselves......................alright then, here we go.

So, the contest was between four of us: JT, Kung Pao, the Big O, and the Raffinator. Sadly, S&M did not take part, for unexplained reasons. This contest was as official as can be, with a Weight Watcher's scale being passed around and the weights of the meat recorded to two significant figures. Right at the start, we all went at it, at our own pace. Whereas the other three ravaged their meat like barbarians, yours truly took his time, enjoying his meal and playing the endurance game. Slabs of meat kept coming and the scale was crying in pain as plate after plate was being slammed upon it. Maybe 30 minutes in, after very type of meat has been taken out and passed around, the first drop out occurred, as the Big O went too fast and overworked the stomach. The count at that time: the Big O: ~1.2 kgs, Raffinator: ~1.0 kg, Kung Pao: ~500 g, JT:~200 g. Yes, it was pretty sad for me, but knowing that all of you had my back (actually, only one of you four...but whatever), I kept on. So, the next 10-20 minutes kept going the same way, eating, weighing, repeat. However, one huge event did happen that changed the whole game: Kung Pao ate rice. Sounds like nothing, but you will soon learn the danger of such a maneuver. At the second checkpoint, the Raffinator checked out at ~1.3 kg, which is very impressive. At this point, Kung Pao had ~1 kg and me, just a measly 500 or so grams. However, the last 20 minutes were epic. As we got closer to the hour mark, thing were starting to get desperate. I was slowing down, it was getting painful to swallow, and the worst possible thing was happening: I wasn't enjoying the meat...My whole life was disappearing right before my eyes. Then, Kung Pao stopped. I knew that he had eaten two times as much as me at the last checkpoint, but I had no idea where he was at. I was guessing 1.5 kg, and had to think of a final blitzkrieg. This was when I espied the plate of rice and remembered that I was asian. Even more important though, were the plantains. Though yes, I am asian, I hate white rice. It tastes boring, and just makes me lost my appetite. The fried plantains though, not only were the good, they created a nice, smooth layer in the throat that allowed the rice to slide down like an avalanche. I quickly grabbed the plate, took out them plantains, and started sucking in that rice like Kirby. Weighing the empty plate told me that that plate of rice was 0.5 kg, and it was the easiest thing to eat as I am genetically programmed to be able to devour rice like water. I ordered another plate of rice and plantains, another 0.5 kg, and again, ate it all within half a minute. Weigh-in shows another 0.6 kg gone. Within 5 minutes, going asian netted me 1.1 kg! Finally, I requested a trade for our current totals. Kung Pao had sat out at under 1.5 kg!!! I was up by a little over 100 grams and the game was over. Of course, since I'm a little asshole, I decided to eat another 0.3 kg, putting my final number at 1.936 kg/4.26 lbs. I won pride and beer for my blogmates for all my efforts, which is worth it, as beer is always needed when S&M are involved. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the little story. I know it's not about the dishes, but every blog needs a change-up now and again. The rodizio was delicious though; it would be impossible for such an event to have taken place for so long if it wasn't super juicy meat slices. I highly recommend this place and just, by the way, I await any challengers craving to take my title from me. So peace out all, and visit often, as more posts will definitely be put up soon. Cross my heart and hope to die xoxoxoxo.

P.S. Though I am the photographer, there are sadly no food pictures for this post as I was slightly distracted. However, I have provided one picture, the most important one of all. Figure it out ;).

M is a little confused about S's last blog

So, S I have a question (or 2) about your last blog.....ummmmm.....bad cop? Who's interrogating beef?

-M a.k.a good cop

Cuban Petes... should we shut the curtains on this fine tradition?

It has come to my attention ... that I (S) am the sour apple of the bunch.
What do I mean by this? While my co-contributors are charming, lively, and more than tickled to shower praises to our restaurant ventures. I am not.

So, I will do the unthinkable and write the about the bad experiences. Yes! I will be bad cop and darn proud. Just don't come after me please... I'm scared of all you foody fanatics.

So... now to say what I've been wanting to say about Cuban Petes located at Montclair NJ.
I loved this place... I still like this place(?) slightly commercialized cuban treat tucked in the center of Bloomfield Ave. Their concoction of mojitos and sangrias that are essentially alcohol free and the music blasting, buzz of excitement. I don't know....

My last experience was bad after a string of bad experiences at this place.
I will only comment of my most recent experience. Got there around 9PM on a Tuesday night. Which, I don't think is prime dinner time but whatever. We got to the front and put our name down for 30 minute wait. Okay, so we go out and take a walk (it's a beautiful night) and come back promptly 25 minutes after we left. I go back to the hostess to check when we would be ready and there is only one other name before ours that hasn't been crossed out. SWEET! and the waiting area (notorious staircase) is pretty much half empty, there are about 8 names after us so this makes sense. Right? WRONG! The manager/owner... I don't know who this guys is comes in and out of the area and starts pulling people to tables until ... eeek. My party and I are the only other couple waiting for a table. about 20 minutes have passed. Okay... whatever. I've heard of the horrible waiting line. It's okay. Once we sit down the waiters are usually very prompt and lively. USUALLY... NOT TONIGHT. waited another 15 minutes until the waiter came to us. We ordered our drinks (pitcher of mojito) and 4 tapas. No water on the table yet. okay. our tapas come out in literally 15 minutes. (awesome... their service is quick. ) but we just walked around and waited for over an hour - we are thirsty. no waiter... no water... no mojito... 30 minutes passed with 4 lonely tapas on our table. we are slowly getting hungry so we start eating... but the food only makes us more thirsty and everything tastes dry. (maybe because the lack of refreshments?) Finally got our waiter's attention - he really did forget. he genuinely apologized. okay... he's off the hook. but still... 2-3 hours of our lives down the drain for this?

i know some that are still fans of this place and i don't know how i feel. but i did not like this past experience. NOT AT ALL. if my friends want to go... okay. I'll come for the ride to see how the night turns out, maybe it'll be better. but i don't think i'll make a trip down there on my own or ever suggest going there for cuban food.

(ps. sorry for the grammar mistakes and all that junk. not my forte and i'm venting so... please excuse. if you are one of those people who find poor grammar irritating , just avoid my posts in the future and please enjoy the lyrical ranting of JT or M. )

S-

Just Can't Stop the Tick Tock-Clifton, NJ

http://www.theticktockdiner.com/

Ok, so it doesn't get more classic Jersey diner than this. The Tick Tock Diner on Rt. 3 in Clifton, NJ is not only an iconic landmark of the good ole' Garden State since 1948, but it will also have you saying mmmmmmmm.....the whole time you're chowin' down. That's not an exaggeration by the way, one of my good comrads that accompanied me on this outing was doing just that while devouring his T-bone lamb chops (drove me crazy!).

This diner has been a staple for many heading home after a night of drinking and in need of some deliciousness to coat the stomach and soak up the alcohol. It's also been the local go-to for Clifton Highers for decades. Since I'm a sucker for nostalgia and everything retro I imagine the Tick Tock hasn't changed too much over the years. It definitely has that classic diner ambiance once you step in. Beyond all that it really is a diner that serves high quality cuisine and huge portions (as the sign says Eat Heavy).

Tick Tock offers a variety for whatever your little heart desires, from pancakes to pot roast (which this group had). Let's though begin at what really lured us into the fine dining hall of this eatery-THE DISCO FRIES! To those who are not familiar with this staple of late night yummy feasting, it's basically fries topped with gravy and your choice of American or mozzarella cheese. Simple yet genius, and the Tick Tock does em' right and super good. They are done with steak fries and they come out hot and gooey (we had mozzarella).

Ok, so for the main courses, get ready....

I personally had the Multi-grain Oatmeal pancakes, and for $5.95 it's an awesome deal. I know I know why so healthy? Believe me healthy was not what was running through my mind as the buttery, fluffy, maple syrupy goodness touched my lips. They were also hearty and had a really nutty texture from the oatmeal and mixture of grains, which I love with my pancakes. Excuse me while I sit back and reminisce for a moment.....Ok, let's continue. As I mentioned before we had a motley crue of meals (makes sense if you saw the actual group of people):

1. Succulent Yankee Pot Roast
2. Moist fall off the bone T-bone Lamb Chops (mmmmmmm....... the whole time!)
3. Fajita Chicken Burrito (The person who had this referred to it as "funny" which means delicious to him, don't ask).
4. The classic diner burger done right, The Old Fashioned Patty Melt
5. Lox Eggs and Onion omelets-yum
6. Cheese omelet-yum yum

Also, to make the night a true diner experience two members of this fine group shared a chocolate shake (all together now...awwwwwwwww........). I'd also like to add one of them had never had a shake before and to his delight yelled out, "This has ice cream.....mmmmmmm...." Guess who I'm talking about by the way....

-M

LOYAL FOLLOWERS!!! I must profusely apologize for all the time in between posts. I know you have all been refreshing this page every hour since last time, patiently waiting for more enlightenment from yours truly. Well, though the wait was long, I guarantee, our most recent discovery is worth all that time.

SO, welcome, one and all, to Raymond's, a small, homely restaurant near the heart of good old Montclair, NJ. First off, the area where this little place is situated is amazing. Besides Raymond's, there is also a Red Mango for your sweet tooth needs, a Starbuck's nearby in case you're tripping over yourself, and lastly, it is near the primary gym of Montclair. A very good, well-thought out schedule would then be the following: go to the gym and get ripped and hungry. Then proceed over to our little Raymond's and eat to your heart's desire. As you will see, there is plenty of protein-filled meals, perfect as an after-gym snack. Now, since you had just lost a lot of valuable calories by going to this gym, and walking a whole block to Raymond's afterwards, Red Mango is just across the street, so fill yourself with sugar in the healthiest way you can. Finally, as you are probably feeling so dead now from doing all that work, go to the Starbuck's that you will see from Red Mango, and order all the caffeine you need to get back home so that you can just lie down and watch some Sportscenter. A perfect few hours, eh? Dang it, this tangent was too long, let's move on to the review.

So, Raymond's is a small, old-fashioned looking diner, with both outdoor and indoor seating options. We went inside because it was kinda hot, but it is definitely worth sitting outside, as its a nice little street constructed in a way that a nice breeze would blow by, and there are enough attractive girls walking around to make it worth it. The menu options are very plentiful: there is brunch food, sandwiches, and a good variety of various other entrees. The drink options are amazing: there is a plethora of juices, teas, sodas, and they even had Ithaca root beer.
Amazing... Anyways, you can see two of the drinks we ordered in the following image. The green thing is a green tea concoction that had a perfect mix of sweetness and health. The bigger drink is a sparkling pomegranate drink that was highly recommended by our group members. I, however, cannot handle sparkling drinks, so I had to pass.

Now, to the food, we present four dishes. In order, you see chili, a hummus sandwich, fish and chips, and finally, steak. Admire the variety right there. You have a soup, a vegetarian thing, friggin' fish and chips, and good old red meat. What makes this place even better was that what I got, a crab and crawfish cake burger, looked so good, that I forgot to take a snapshot of it. In terms of taste, my burger was amazing. The crab thing was nice and soft and full of flavor on each bite. The fries that came out with it were thin and crispy, just the way I like them. From what I can tell, everyone else definitely loved what they got, as they gobbled up everything right away. There was one HUGE issue though, as you might be able to tell from looking at the images. Portion sizes, ladies and gentlemen. The meals were pretty small to me. I do eat a lot, so maybe I am a little biased, but I ended up hungrier than I started. I guess this is why Red Mango is across the street. Overall though, if you just want a good meal, and especially if you're bringing someone with you, Raymond's of Montclair is one place where you know you'll get good food, and have plenty of after-meal options to waste time on.

Ming Restaurant - Edison

Another day in the office, another lunch decision to make.
On Tuesday, we decided to venture to a Chinese-Indian fusion restaurant Ming on Oak Tree Road- Edison. It is part of the Mehtani Restaurant Group.

http://www.mehtanirestaurantgroup.com/

M-

Well for me it started on a high note and then it was downhill. I went with the lunch special (soup, main course, fried rice). I really enjoyed my Spicy Coriander soup. It was more lemony then spicy though, but with a slight after kick. The main course was a shredded lamb with ginger and spring onion. Unfortunately this was a disappointing choice cuz it tasted like chicken, and I love lamb. So when I order lamb I expect my meat to taste like lamb. I will say the fried rice that came with the meal wasn't so bad.

S-

Okay... so I don't mean to be mean but I didn't like this place too much. I know people who recommended this place so I'll give it another chance however my first experience was disappointing. I also got the "jiffy" lunch special which is $13 for meat/$12 for veggie for the first person and $10 for anyone else who orders it. It comes with soup, fried rice or hakka noodle, and a selection of main course.

Seafood Soup - okay it was slightly thick, brothy, definitely had cilantro, eggs, scallions, few pieces of shrimp, some crab meat (very stringy). It was good - but not praise worthy. Oh, forgot to mention the salad that they place on the table when you first come in. It's cabbage with some vinegar, sweet seasons and spicy kick. Pickled cabbage would be a better term than salad. It's aiite to say the least. Then the fried rice - I'm not chinese but I know how a fried rice should be made. I know this place is pan-asian place but they used the indian long grain rice instead of the chinese shorter version and I think I tasted some herb (saffron?) which i wasn't used to. The main dish was chili hakka chicken. In my opinion it was a little salty. I don't know - it just didn't satisfy me. I did want to go back and try their mapo tofu. They also give cute tray of condiments, pickled peppers, hot sauce, and soy sauce - which is a plus for me because I love condiments.

The Treasures of Toros

JT's FIRST REAL POST!!! HOORAY!!!

Not really...here we have the complementary photos for M's post on Toros. Look at them, remember them, love them.

Exhibit A: The Turkish Bread. Soft, light, fluffy, much surface area for the placement of butters and stuff. As good as bread can be.

Exhibit B: Cobana Salata. A salad. Lots of tomatoes, lots of cheese, lots of green things underneath that white blanket. If S or M would like to comment on this salad, I would recommend it. I am not a salad eater.

Exhibit C: The Yakut red wine. Just read M's review on this. I am sadly one of those glowing Asians that can't handle their alcohol and think they all taste the same. NEXT!!

Exhibit D: JT's personal recommendation; the perfect combination of the texture of steak plus the taste of liver makes this the perfect snack food for all occasions.

Exhibit E: Toros Karisik. It's a meat platter, 'nuf said. Just a plate filled with tender meat, yum yum yum.

Exhibit F: Hunter Begendi. As good to me as it was to S&M. That eggplant thing is just pure money.

Exhibit G: Levrek. I like how simple the Turkish name is for this. It's a striped bass, so automatically good in my book.

Exhibit H: Kazidibi, baklava, Turkish Coffee. The big finale was just full of sugary deliciousness.

Final Note: I 100% support M's pool recommendation, to end all meals always.